I started writing this post way back in December. It was just after Christmas and with a horde of Amazon vouchers in my hand I pull the trigger on a little present to me - that I can’t really ask anyone else for as it’s kind of creepy.
I ordered a 23andMe DNA testing kit. Yep.
A what?
Okay, that makes it sound a lot more creepy than it actually is. You give them a sample of saliva, post it off and - one eternity later - you get a bunch of different results back based on your DNA.
It’s all pretty friendly and approachable. It’s not designed to tell you if you’re adopted or something like that. The idea is that nerds can get their hands on some numbers about themselves, which is just perfect for a stat-driven dweeb like myself.
The process
You get sent this little box in the post. A little underwhelming, but I’ll take it.
Inside is a little guide on what to do and a little plastic tube with a lid. The idea is you just spit up to the fill line (which thankfully isn’t all the way…), close it, give it a quick shake and send it off.
Your spit mixes with some kind of preservative liquid that makes sure it doesn’t go off (…? hey, I’m no scientist…) when you post it.
That’s a good thing as, from the UK at least, it’s got to trek its way to Amsterdam first before flying all the way to America to join the queue. Don’t expect this thing to come back in a couple of weeks. It’s going to take a while.
So after ploughing through a cold, I managed to get this thing filled (…ew) and sent off to the boffins that lie beyond. Now - 65 days and another cold later - I finally get the all important results.
The results
It wasn’t until this afternoon where I got a rather unexpected email pop up on my phone.
Until now, the website had just described which part of this long process my spit was at. It seemed to linger quite a lot at the extraction phase. It was probably full of phlegm. Sorry about that.
But now as I visit it it’s a wealth of information! The bar that used to show the progress now gives you a overview of the clearest information it can give you. Apparently I can smell asparagus pee. Who knew.
It gives you a breakdown of all the sorts of things it can tell about you. From who your relatives might be to what diseases you might get in the future. It’s almost overwhelming!
Ancestry
All in all, my ancestry is about as vanilla as it can get for a white British man in his 20s. 58% British and Irish, with smatterings of French, German and some other bits of Northwestern Europe.
On the maternal side, the H1 haplogroup made their way to Europe from Africa and the Mediterranean over the course of the last ice age. It’s a similar story on the paternal side, with the J-M267 haplogroup moving up to Europe to use the fertile land there.
It also gives you a breakdown of other people who have had their DNA sequenced and who’s likely to be related to you. My top results involve some anonymous chap who is apparently my second cousin, and another Crouch who is a third cousin. Who knew?!
It might not surprise you to learn I’m apparently full of neanderthal. I share 302 different variants with the specimens they sampled. Not sure if that’s a good thing or not.
Health
On the health front, thankfully there’s no massive surprises. The tests it does for things like cystic fibrosis, sickle cell anemia and something called Usher disease (which I feel I’m more happy with not doing any more research into…). I’ve not got any specific variant that says I’m more likely to get them. It doesn’t mean I don’t or won’t ever get it, just that I’m not predisposed to as-is.
It does however outline a slight increased risk for age-related macular degeneration. There’s definitely history of it in the family, so that doesn’t surprise me, but I guess it’s good to know it’s there. It’s not exactly uncommon in older folks anyway, but as long as I don’t smoke and eat like a normal human, I should be okay.
Other traits
The rest of 23andMe is just full of other stuff it can pull out of your DNA. Stuff like eye colour, height, that kind of thing.
For the most part, it’s spot on. I don’t have a cleft chin, I’ve got detached earlobes and I’ve got straight black hair. But I did kind of know that already.
Apparently I’m unlikely to get a bald spot, but it also says I’m unlikely to have a receding hairline. Mate, my hairline has been receding since I was like 12. I’ve got more than a fivehead now.
It does also detail stuff I would have never thought about. For example, I’m likely to consume more caffeine than the average person. I move more in my sleep than most others. I don’t go red when I drink booze. That’s great. Give me more of these little factoids!
I also have muscle composition that is common in elite power athletes. Yep. Okay. So this thing isn’t completely infallible…
In summary
I’m obviously not going to share everything about my DNA for obvious reasons, but if you’re interested I’ve shared my ancestry report to give a taste of the kind of data you can pull out of it. It’s not particularly interesting - my ancestors apparently weren’t vary adventurous - but you might learn something!
Was it worth it? I think so, but I’m a nerd. I find this kind of science-y numbers stuff fascinating. If that sounds like your kind of thing, then great! Try it out. If not, you won’t miss out on anything ground-breaking.